Ahh, love. The I do’s have been said, the wedding bells have rung and the rice has long since been thrown – that is, up until the ’80s when rice began to be eclipsed by more environmentally-friendly options. But that’s neither here nor there – what’s more important is the lifelong commitment made between two people for better or worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health. Indeed, newlyweds take the first step toward better health at their wedding, as research indicates that married people tend to be healthier and live longer than those who are not.
Studies have shown that the active life expectancy of older married men and women hovers around two years longer than their peers who are single, according to a 2020 Medicare Health Outcome Survey. But why is this promise to help each other through sickness and health so beneficial? It’s complicated and certainly not a guarantee; many factors come into play, like the health of the relationship, the genetic makeup of each person and many other wild cards. Still, the theme that married couples tend to be healthier continues to be reflected in studies.
One reason married couples are often healthier is that spouses act as somewhat of a support system for their better half.
“Mental and physical health go hand in hand,” explained Andrew Flandry, M.D., a family doctor with East Cooper Family Practice. “A healthy marriage where a couple spends time together, travels together, gets regular physical activity together, supports each other emotionally and generally loves and cares for each other has a positive impact on their mental and physical health.”
In contrast, a stressful marriage could lead to anxiety and depression, possibly leading to negative long-term health issues, he said.
While there is no one-size-fits-all secret to a long and happy marriage, many couples have found what works best for their own relationships to stand the test of time.
For Sherry and Bill Cook, who celebrated their 54th anniversary this year, prioritizing time together is one way they have kept their marriage strong.
“We have always talked about everything. Now that we’re retired, we eat three meals a day together, and we share our feelings and talk about what’s going on in our lives,” Sherry said. “We feel that communication and mutual respect are certainly important, and we treat each other as equals. It’s not often we have to forgive each other for something because we have already worked it out.”
For the Cooks, another secret to their long marriage, Sherry suggested, is that their differences in personality help to bring balance to their relationship in a positive way.
“We know we’re different, but we complement each other. He’s the laid-back one; I’m the outgoing one. We have fun together. We laugh together – as we’ve gotten older, we laugh even more,” she grinned.
David and Judith Anderson, married since 1966, also attribute a good sense of humor to their lifetime together. They have overcome a number of challenges – moving together from England to the Southeast, working several states away from each other in their early years and now faced with health setbacks in more recent times – the laughter and appreciation for each other have kept their bond strong.
“We do share a good sense of humor and laugh a lot. We also share a lot of interests and have a great history together. We know all the same people; we share the same points of view; we easily adapt to things,” Judith explained. While they share many commonalities, Judith and David also have differing interests and find joy spending time doing those things and then reconvening to discuss them over lunch or dinner.
In terms of health, people in long marriages tend to encourage their spouses to stay healthy.
“As a team, you care about each other’s health collectively,” Dr. Flandry said. “Cooking healthy meals, encouraging exercise and even encouraging your spouse to attend regular medical appointments are all ways that a couple can stay healthy.”
“Judith is a retired nurse, and she still keeps me straight, despite me now having Parkinson’s and being legally blind,” David smiled. “She insists we go walking together; that’s something I wouldn’t be able to do on my own now.”
The Cooks also encourage each other to eat right and exercise.
“I’m 75 and Bill is 80. We have some aches and pains, but we’re very blessed to be healthy enough to do things and travel. If he has something bothering him, I encourage him to deal with it,” Sherry said.
Dr. Flandry added that health benefits are evident in companionships of many types, not only in marriage. “Having strong, positive relationships with others – friends, family – often result in positive impacts to your health.”
For those invested in a long, happy marriage, raise your glasses for a toast to happily – and healthily – ever after.
By Anne Toole
