By Jenny Peterson
Decorating the Christmas tree was a tradition James Island resident Kristin Vogel shared with her mom, a familiar ritual that made the holiday feel like a holiday. After her mom died in the summer of 2021, the ornaments were still there, and so were the memories. But someone was missing.
Vogel still had her husband and son to celebrate with, but that first holiday season without her mom brought a new kind of heartache.
“So many of the things that make the holidays special for me have always been the memories and traditions from growing up and being together as a family,” she said.
Finding Support for Holiday Grief
Vogel found comfort in a holiday grief support group, where she connected with others who understood what it meant to miss someone while everyone else was celebrating as usual.
“What helped me most about going to the support group was just being around others who were grieving and understood without having to explain it. It comforted me to know I wasn’t alone, and to lean into others who were going through similar loss.”
Losing a loved one is an inevitable part of life, but that doesn’t mean anyone can prepare for it. Grief surfaces in unexpected ways: a stranger at a restaurant who looks like someone you miss, a photo that pops up in your social media memories or a holiday tradition that suddenly feels different.
PERMISSION TO GRIEVE
Professional grief counselors agree that it’s important to give yourself permission to grieve, even when the world seems to go on.
“Give yourself permission to feel whatever comes, without pressure to be okay,” said Sejal Bhula, PA-C, with iTrust Wellness. “It’s okay to set boundaries, take breaks, and do what feels manageable for you. Most importantly, be patient and gentle with yourself. Allow yourself to feel sadness, anger, loneliness, or even moments of joy without guilt. Grief has no timeline and you don’t have to be okay just because it’s the holidays.”
For parents, that permission extends to children, who benefit from seeing adults acknowledge their feelings rather than hide them.
“It is good for children to see adults grieve. Crying in front of them, and saying ‘I’m sad because I miss Grandpa, and it’s okay to feel that way,’ shows them grief is manageable and shared,” said Ashlin Blum, LISW-CP, with Empowered Family Therapy in Mount Pleasant.
Blum said children can benefit from memory-making activities such as looking at photos, cooking a loved one’s favorite recipe, creating a memory box and telling stories. Children also need reassurance that the death was not their fault and that the adults caring for them will continue to be there.
FINDING SUPPORT
Grief support groups meet throughout the year at J. Henry Stuhr Funeral Home locations in downtown Charleston, West Ashley, Mount Pleasant and North Charleston. Holiday-specific support groups offer additional space to process the memories and emotions that surface during this particularly nostalgic season, no matter how long ago a loved one died.
“All of one’s senses are engaged practically non-stop regardless of where one goes during the holidays — stores, parks, faith communities, workplaces, homes, neighborhood communities, (but) for many of the bereaved, the holidays are the most challenging and pain filled-time of the year,” said Janice N. Meyer, a board-certified grief counselor at J. Henry Stuhr Funeral Home.
Meyer said demand for holiday and year-round grief support groups continues to grow. Each support group is led by a board-certified grief counselor.
November’s theme is “Finding Healthy Ways to Cope with Grief During the Holidays.” December’s theme is “Holiday Hope, Remembering & Self Care During the Holidays.”
“Often, one simply tries to push through the holidays and may not recognize their increased fatigue, sadness, clouded thoughts, increased tears, anger, regrets as responses to grief,” Meyer said.
WHEN TO SEEK HELP
Support groups aren’t the only option for navigating loss. Individual treatment can help when grief becomes overwhelming and there’s no need to wait for a crisis.
“Remember that you don’t have to wait until you reach a breaking point to ask for help. (Therapy) can help when you feel overwhelmed, stuck, lonely, or unsure how to cope with what you’re experiencing,” Bhula said.
For children, Blum recommends watching for persistent changes in behavior, including withdrawal from friends and activities, difficulty functioning at school, ongoing sleep or appetite changes, intense anxiety, aggression or excessive guilt that reassurance does not ease.
THE POWER OF PEOPLE
Grief can be isolating, particularly when family and friends are managing their own emotions or don’t know what to say. Support groups offer a place to speak openly, listen and connect with others who understand. Sometimes, simply knowing you’re not alone can be a powerful part of healing.
For Vogel, the group helped her find a way forward while keeping her memories close and making room for new traditions.
“One thing I took away was that it’s okay to feel sadness during the holidays, and at the same time to find joy in making new memories with loved ones,” she said.
Upcoming Holiday Grief Support Groups
JHS Northwoods Chapel
2180 Greenridge Road, North Charleston
• Nov. 11, 1:30-3 p.m.
• Dec. 9, 1:30-3 p.m.
JHS Downtown Chapel
232 Calhoun St., Charleston
• Nov. 12, 1:30-3 p.m.
• Dec. 10, 1:30-3 p.m.
Harmony at West Ashley
1925 Essex Farm Drive, West Ashley
• Nov. 18, 1:30-3 p.m.
• Dec. 16, 1:30-3 p.m.
South Bay, Suite 420
1400 Liberty Midtown Drive, Mount Pleasant
• Dec. 7, 2-3:30 p.m.
For information, call J. Henry Stuhr Funeral Home at 843-723-2524.
